You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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