Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
