I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
