wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Randomize
