Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Randomize
