You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
