I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Randomize