Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Randomize
