I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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