yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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