He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Is it penis luge time yet?
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
