does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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