Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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