I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
