whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
