Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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