I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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