If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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