in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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