Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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