I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Its about making memories worth repressing
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
