i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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