also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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