I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize