i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
