i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
