If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Blood and glitter go together right?
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
