i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
