i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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