Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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