Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize