Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
tell your sister to shave her snatch
he shaved USA in his pubs
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Randomize
