He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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