dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
