I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
literally had 100 drinks last night.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
it's great music for shaving your balls
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
