I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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