Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
My liver just had a heart attack.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
