If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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