he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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