hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
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