I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
