Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
