carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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