I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Randomize
