Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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