Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
