Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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