Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
