An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
