just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
