Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize