OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
