There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Randomize
