why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
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