you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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