So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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