Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
