The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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