I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
