Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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