I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
