I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
