i jhust puked up my retainher.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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