She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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