mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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