I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
