he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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