he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize