god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
