What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
