btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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