Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
