Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
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